For all the things we learn to prepare for at work, such as measuring productivity or performance, the immobilizing weight of grief and its impact on yourself and your team are not among them. No one warns you that it will sit beside you in meetings or that it can alter focus. It shortens tempers and can make the chattiest of us silent. Just when we think it’s done with us, it reminds us that we are permanently linked.

The tragic loss of a beloved team member a year ago made me question how I show up for a team that is grieving while managing the weight of business in a struggling economy, already impacting team morale. More than anything else, it makes me question how I can be there for others when I am grieving. How I respond can influence people and culture.

Sitting with what can’t be fixed

Grief is one of those things that can’t be fixed. It needs time, space, and reflection. It is a process that cannot be rushed and doesn’t come with a one-size-fits-all solution. Some people need to stay busy. Others need quiet and time away.

As a perpetual problem-solver, one of the hardest things is knowing this is an issue I can’t fix for my team. What I can give them is space, patience and presence. It means I check in more, even when I’m unsure what to say, giving them room not to be ok in a world that tells us we should “just move on”.

People before performance

Business isn’t only about strategy, profitability and deliverables. It’s about protecting your greatest asset: your people.

Even before the loss of Bree, I made it a point to check in, to ask, and to listen. I’ve had team members share things I didn’t know how to hold. Yet, I believe, simply by being there, I’m holding space for them to know that they matter. Knowing that someone sees them, recognizes that they are carrying something big and wants to share that load reflects my belief in compassion and helps to reinforce trust.

Lead by example

I fight the urge to be silent. I acknowledge the pain individually and collectively. I continue to show up, be it with a shaky voice or a heavy heart. I do this to show that we are allowed to feel and be there for each other.

My job title does not protect me from grief. I am not exempt from loss. When we model vulnerability, whether I cry or need a moment to regroup, we show people that it’s okay to be human. 

My daily mantras

• Grief doesn’t have a timeline
• Empathy doesn’t come at the cost of productivity
• People remember how you treat them, especially in tough times

Sometimes these things look like flexibility with deadlines, quieter meetings, or simply letting someone know that they don’t have to explain why today is hard.

If you are navigating grief in the workplace, your own or someone else’s, I implore and encourage you to lead with your heart. I encourage you to remember to be kind and patient with your team and with yourself. In a world that asks us to push through pain and bury our feelings, a caring workplace is a welcome change. 

Grief doesn’t distract us from our work. Sometimes grief IS the work that helps us cultivate humanity within ourselves and the people around us. It can provide the tethers that reinforce a great culture or undo an unhealthy one.

If you have suffered a loss recently, there are many great resources available to you online, through your benefits provider (if you have one), or through your health care provider. You are not alone. Please take the time to take care of yourself. 

One day at a time.